"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." -
Jimmy Durante.
"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons." -
Douglas Adams."
"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?" - Bart Simpson
"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos." - Homer Simpson
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman." - Homer Simpson
"Operator! Give me the number for 911!" - Homer Simpson
The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows your watch, tells you the time and then charges you for the privilege."
- Times newspaper
"The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you." -
Charles Dickens.
"A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." -
Patrick Murray.
"Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer." -
Will Rogers.

"The Scottish verdict 'not proven' means 'guilty, but don't do it again'." -
Winifred Duke.
"Gentlemen prefer bonds." -
Andrew Mellon.
"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist." -
Franklin Jones.

"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." -
Spike Milligan.

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." -
Socrates.
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." -
Charles Lamb.

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." -
Mario Andretti.
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?" -
Steven Wright.