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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Super Funny Quotes

All short quotes and one-liners are automatically sorted by their rank. Hilarious quotes that suck will be deleted, so please vote if you think a funny quote sucks or rocks!

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
 
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
 
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz
 
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
 
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
 
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain
 
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
 
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
 
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
 
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
 
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
 
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
 
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
 
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!

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